Not for Virgins

The Virgin Diaries

Kimberley A. Johnson (Author), Ann Werner (Contributor)
Nonfiction 228 pages
CreateSpace. 2010

Suppose you had never visited a place but wanted to go there? You’d probably look at a map before you set out on your journey. You might also try to learn about the landmarks you’ll see on the way. This book is like a map, except that it shows you a variety of routes and landmarks.

If you wonder what it’s like to lose your virginity, such a map can be useful. However, this map shows many routes and some won’t look anything like the route you end up taking. And just as you may recognize some of the landmarks, others may be completely unfamiliar.

People’s sexual education varies. Some people get good information. Some get misinformation. Others get too little information, and some people get way more than they wanted. The survey of experiences supplied in “The Virgin Diaries” is intended for people contemplating a first sexual experience and wanting to know what to expect. For some of the survey respondents, the experience was planned, while for others, it was spontaneous. Some had no regrets, while others wished they’d waited for the right partner.

The first time experiences described in this book are provided as-is and without moral judgments. Although the stories are intended for open-minded people, readers should be aware that some touch on the unusual, if not taboo.

While many of the stories express innocence, some involve alcohol or drugs, and others express callousness and sexual predation. One man’s first sexual experience was with his girlfriend’s mother, and in another story, the girl’s father urged the couple on while he captured the act on video. Suspending moral judgment can be a good thing, but filming one’s daughter having sex crosses the line into sexual abuse. Such stories do not belong in a book that’s intended to be instructive. I cannot recommend this title to the sexually innocent.

Search Engine Optimization — It can work

I got a call from Google today. I made the first page of search results for my keyword phrase. What happened? I was creating tags for my graphics handbook for small organizations and I hit upon a three word phrase that worked. Which one? You’ll have to find out for yourself by looking at my Amazon listing. The downside? Google doesn’t have any statistics on my phrase. Oh, well.

Wikileaks. Truth versus trust

I tried to access Wikileaks but wasn’t able to. So, I Googled it. I soon learned that according to Peter Svensson’s AP article, Wikileaks claims to be inaccessible due to massive denial of service attacks. I also learned that the website was a dot.org instead of a dot.com. Armed with this knowledge, I had no trouble accessing its website. However, I can’t access all of it, or its more recent pages.

Perhaps Wikileaks is under cyberattack, or perhaps there’s another reason why it can’t be accessed. You can’t believe everything you read on the internet, hence the name of this blog.

Espionage writer, Eric Ambler, discusses what might happen if an obscure, right-wing, weekly newsletter were to begin publishing classified information. In his novel, “The Intercom Conspiracy,” Ambler treats the topic humorously. He could not have envisioned that something like this could happen in real-life, or the extent to which classified information would be leaked.

Some the diplomatic cables that Wikileaks shared with the world contain a good bit of humor, but not for those world leaders who are butts of the jokes. As Ronald Neumann said on NPR this morning, if a man tells his wife something unflattering about her mother, and she passes it on, than he will be very uncomfortable the next time he faces his mother-in-law.

Truth is a good thing, but trust is even better. How will America fare in a world that perceives its diplomats can’t be trusted?

Granny wants to know

Whenever I visit Granny, she always asks me a certain question. Once I told her I didn’t know the answer. She wasn’t satisfied, so I promised to find out. I looked in several sociology journals, but I couldn’t find the answer. So, I told her what I thought sociologists would say. She didn’t buy it. I made up a few answers hoping that one will satisfy her curiosity. Here’s the question: “Why do young people wear those peculiar beards these days?” Here are a few answers. If you have better answers, add your comment to this post.

Because they are Bolsheviks

They work for the circus. They’re bearded ladies

In order to look older. They shave them off when they reach puberty

Because they are in a witness protection program

Because they hang out with Snow White

In order to participate in Civil War re-enactments

Because they are lumberjacks

Because dueling scars are out of fashion

Because they’re non-conformists

Because they’re conformists

They never learned to shave

Their bosses make them grow them

Charlotte's Uncles

Grandma Charlotte used to tell about her two uncles during Prohibition. Each closely guarded the whereabouts of his still on the mountain behind the farm. One day they chanced to meet as they came down the mountain. Each carried a jug.

“Brother,” said the elder, “I’m mighty glad to see you. Have a taste of my moonshine.”

“Thanks all the same, Brother,” said the younger, “but as you see, I’ve brought my own.”

“I invited you to take a taste,” said the first, drawing his pistol and pointing it at the other.

“Well, since you put it that way, I believe I will.” The gunman handed over the jug and his brother took a drink. “Mighty fine shine,” he said.

“Thank you,” he replied, holding the pistol out to his brother. “Now, you hold the gun on me and I’ll taste yours.”

Tricks for treats

 Dogs did tricks for treats at Pets N’ Stuff in Lakewood today.

Surfing Findley took home a gift basket and bag of treats.

Meanwhile, a pair of potted pups arrived in bucket seats. Although the event was generally casual, a few of the participants “put on the dog.”

Dog tricks

While vacationing this summer in Keelung, Taiwan, I learned that dogs could be taught new tricks.

For example, dogs can ride scooters. I saw one such rider on the pier at Bisha Fishing Port during the Dragon Boat races. The dog showed no inclination to steer, merely to ride.

Another cool trick is to let five dogs out on the hot roof of an industrial strength metal building. The dogs walk the roof’s periphery, barking at everything in sight, until they weary of the sport and one-by-one go back inside.

If nothing’s changed since I witnessed this amazing trick, the dogs can be viewed from an observation deck at Keelung Indigenous Cultural Hall.

As we picnicked at Lover’s Lake, one friendly canine befriended us. Soon he was enjoying morsels of barbecued sausages and pork. Not only was he our new friend, he protected us, too. Every time another dog approached, he growled, as if to say, “these people belong to me. Stay away.” Later, when all the meat had been cooked and eaten, he stopped growling at other dogs and played nicely instead. Apparently the trick was on us. He wasn’t a true friend. He was only interested in our food.

Big Bad Voodoo Daddy at A Taste of Colorado

Denver celebrates Labor Day Weekend with “A Taste of Colorado.” There is always a variety of food to sample, and handcrafts to yearn for. This year, swing band, Big Bad Voodoo Daddy appeared on the main stage Friday night. During their 90 minute performance, they played older numbers including “You & Me & The Bottle Makes 3 Tonight” and “Go Daddy-O,” as well as numbers from their new CD, including “The Jumpin’ Jive” and “Reefer Man.” The crowd went nuts.

In a world full of guitar bands, it’s nice when a band uses brass to kick your ass. Besides they look great in their zoot suits.

Check out their web page for more about Big Bad Voodoo Daddy.

What’s wrong with this picture

As a child, when I left a theatre, I often thought about the movie and mentally gave it an alternate ending. The habit hasn’t completely left me, but it’s taken a new direction. I think about the characters and why they did the things they did. Doing so keeps the movie alive for me.

It’s said that fiction depends on suspending disbelief. I’m not sure that’s entirely true. Movies seem to depend on meeting expectations. When you see a movie like, “The Sorcerer’s Apprentice,” you expect special effects. When you see a movie like, “Salt,” you expect stunts.

Both movies deliver what’s expected. But they don’t give you anything to think about afterward. The action works, just as it’s supposed to, but both movies fail to justify the behavior of one of its main characters. People don’t just do things for no reason … except in the movies. Action movies in particular.

Action movies squeeze a basketful of thrills into ninety minutes, often at the expense of character development. The result is that the characters may be heroic, but the audience doesn’t know what motivates them. However, motivation matters, and makes a movie memorable. The movies that really stick are the ones that develop their characters. Characters without motivations are gone as soon as you step out of a dark theatre into the light of day. Hollywood may want it that way, but I don’t.

No foundation

An opinion article titled, “Good intentions, bad location” appeared recently in the Lakewood Sentinel. It begins by implying that associating certain words together triggers people’s hot buttons.

The article then states the intentions of a group involved with one of those words. It concludes that if this group acts on its intentions, other people will be offended. Therefore, the group should maintain goodwill by changing its plans.

The words are “mosque” and “Ground Zero.” The article implies that when some people hear the word, “mosque,” they think “terrorist.” Building the mosque would offend those people. That’s like saying people who don’t like steak sauce, won’t eat meat. It doesn’t make sense.

Most Muslims are neither terrorists nor extremists. Apparently, in some people’s minds, all Muslims are terrorists. Instead of telling Muslims not to build mosques, these people should try changing their minds by substituting facts for emotional reactions.

I have no opinion regarding whether a mosque should be built two blocks from “Ground Zero.” But, I can’t accept an emotional reaction as a substitute for a reasoned argument. You can’t build a mosque, or a strong argument, without a foundation – something this article lacks.

Second best

The world’s second tallest building is called Taipei 101. The second heaviest gold bar in the world is stored in Jinguashi. The tunnel through Hsuehshan is the second longest in Asia. Each of these second bests was a first in its time.

What is noteworthy is not that these once were the tallest, heaviest, and longest of their kind. No, what is noteworthy is that they are all located in Taiwan. This little island, and its even littler outlying islands, occupies an area of only 13,900 square miles. My own state, Colorado, occupies 104,091 square miles, roughly seven times Taiwan’s size. Colorado isn’t threatened by surrounding states, yet Taiwan faces frequent intimidation from mainland China. Perhaps the threat of invasion explains why Taiwan has achieved so much. Perhaps the explanation lies elsewhere. Regardless, Taiwan’s example is something to strive for.

Out of context party quiz question

24. All Tomorrow's Parties is

A. A song by the Velvet Underground

B. A novel by William Gibson

C. A 2003 Chinese science fiction movie

D. All of the above  

International Monetary Fund official owns up to corruption

I recently received correspondence which sheds light on the current recession and international financial matters. The letter follows, and I'm glad to know that something is being done to end the financial crisis.


INTERNATIONAL MONETARY FUND
(IMF) HEAD OFFICE

Dear Fund Beneficiary,

This is to intimate you of a very important information which will be of a great help to redeem you from all the difficulties you have been experiencing in getting your long over due payment due to excessive demand for money from you by both corrupt Bank officials and Courier Companies after which your fund remain unpaid to you. I am Mr.John Lee, a highly placed official of the International Monetary Fund (IMF).

It may interest you to know that reports have reached our office by so many correspondences on the uneasy way which people like you are treated by Various Banks and Courier Companies/ Diplomat across Europe to Africa and Asia /London Uk and we have decided to put a stop to that and that is why I was appointed to handle your transaction here in Nigeria. All Governmental and Non-Governmental prostates, NGOs, Finance Companies, Banks, Security Companies and Courier companies which have been in contact with you of late have been instructed to back up from your transaction and you have been advised NOT to respond to them anymore since the IMF is now directly in charge of your payment.

You are hereby advised NOT to remit further payment to any institutions with respect to your transaction as your fund will be transferred to you directly from our source.I hope this is clear. Any action contrary to this instruction is at your own risk.

Colorado Serves Up Tasty Blues

Stopped by the stage at 13th and Lincoln and savored some tasty blues. The Catfish Kray Blues Band played Saturday at the Taste of Colorado festival. Pictured are Catfish Kray (center) flanked by Greg Sage on trumpet and Joe Lilly on sax. Not shown are, drummer, Ari Rubenstein and vocalist Jesse Garland.

No Cow Town Now

I really take offense with people who say that Denver is just an overgrown cow town. Take for example, Dan Ostermiller’s sculpture outside the Denver Art Museum. It's pure culture—on par with the kind you'd find in some other stuck-up, over-blown, namby-pamby, big city. There are no overgrown cows in my mile-high city--just art, thank you. So there, you big apple, you.

Online spelling and grammar

Yo, Illiterate! Yes, I mean you. I suppose you figure that you don’t need to proofread your writing before you post it online. You think I won’t notice. Well I do. In fact, I notice it everywhere — on blogs, newsgroups, why hell, even on television station websites.

If you’re not using grammar and spell checkers, you should be. And, if you are, then you need to acknowledge their limitations. Proofread, damn it.

English is a language full of quirky rules and still quirkier exceptions to those rules. This queer old aunt of a language must be preserved in all her peculiar glory. Your wholesale online abuse of English must stop at once. If you don’t mend your ways, then no one will respect the rules of English and God help us, writing will look like this:

“Then saw I all the half y-grave with famous folke's names fele, that hadde been in muche weal, and their fames wide y-blow. But well unnethes might I know any letters for to read their names by; for out of dread they were almost off thawed so, that of the letters one or two were molt away of ev'ry name, so unfamous was wox their fame.”

That was Geoffrey Chaucer. His English is not up to modern day standards. Some of you writing on social media are destroying what remains of those. Your disregard for grammar rules is diminishing its preciseness. Your sloppiness allows carelessness to creep into your thinking and that of your readers.

George Orwell would be appalled to learn how on social media emotion laden yet fact-free phrases substitutes for thinking that doesn't go deep enough to even get wet. Reverse course, oh slipshod scribes before it's too late. 

Michael Jackson Lives

--- Fresh intelligence from unnamed sources ---

It was a ruse. Michael lives. He and the King are both alive and well. Just like Elvis, Michael became tired of his fame and notoriety and faked his own death. The so-called “Michael,” was, in fact, an unnamed middle-aged, middle class, man of indeterminate race who succumbed to a Propofol allergy while undergoing routine vasectomy surgery. The corpse was smuggled to the Jackson residence by a covert team of underpaid Hollywood physicians. The real Jackson is purported to be vacationing on the planet, Tralfamadore. As they say on Tralfamadore, “So it goes.”

There ought to be a law

Some time back, only one phone company operated in the United States. Law makers decided it had grown too big, broke it apart and made room for competition. This was bad for the environment.

With only one phone company, there was only one phone book publisher. Over recent weeks, I’ve received phone books from at least three publishers. Most of these have gone straight from my doorstep into recycle bins. I didn’t even crack the covers.

Thanks to the internet, I rarely look at a phone book anymore. I’ll bet I’m not alone. Think of all the trees that have died in order to supply paper pulp to manufacture books people don’t use.

Wouldn’t it be better if phone book publishers were required to ask consumers if they want their books instead of assuming that they do. This would save countless trees and prevent much of the pollution of streams that results from paper manufacturing.

There ought to be a law. There really should.

In a reading groove

I’m enjoying reading Jack Vance’s “Lyonesse” trilogy even more than I did the first time I read it. Midway through however, I decided to take a Vance hiatus. While visiting the library with my daughters, I noticed that a new book had been added to a series I’d begun reading years before. I remembered the author. I remembered the character. I’d forgotten the writing style.

I brought the book home. Now, I can’t put it down. That’s because I want it out of my hands and back in those of the librarian’s. But, first I want to know how it ends.

It’s a struggle to finish because it’s so very badly written. Did the author always write this badly, I wonder. Did he change, or was it me? I’ve already added him to my short list of best-selling authors whom I can’t stand reading.

It’s probably not all his fault. In my formative years, I watched cartoons all Saturday morning. One day in my teens, I asked myself why I wasted Saturday mornings on such moronic fare. On that day, I stopped watching cartoons. Sometime later, I stopped watching situation comedies.

Apparently time changes tastes. Authors I once enjoyed, I won’t read today. In this case, the author tells his story in plain and simple language. His writing lacks style and bores me. Vance has style. His language is elegant, yet pithy. With Vance, it’s not so much about what’s going to happen next, it’s about how he’ll describe it.

When I first picked up a Vance in a Hong Kong bookstore, I assumed he was British. He’s not, but he knows his English. Yet his elegance is fresh, not archaic. Other authors, born in 1916, use styles that are dated. Vance has moved with his times, and yet his writing moves beyond his times.

I wish I wrote like that.

Learning a Living

Learning a Living: a guide to planning your career and finding a job for people with learning disabilities, attention deficit disorder, and dyslexia
Dale S. Brown
Nonfiction 342 pages
Woodbine House, Inc. 2000

Many books have been written about career planning and job hunting. This one’s a little different. While it offers all the usual stuff found in books of its type, it also offers useful information for people with learning disabilities, attention deficit disorder (ADD), and dyslexia.

People who don’t swim in the mainstream while learning can be victimized by misconceptions held by others and themselves. This book aims at dispelling some of these misconceptions and takes a realistic look at learning disabilities and difficulties.

Because learning disabilities, ADD and dyslexia manifest themselves in a variety of forms, no one career planning approach fits all. The author addresses questions like:

• How does a learning disabled person identify his strengths and weaknesses?
• How does he know when he is being objective, instead of influenced by his own bias or that of others?
• How can a weakness be turned into a strength?
• In what jobs are those strengths assets?
• How can weaknesses be compensated for?

He also considers the relationship between the job market, the individual and the law. For example, when is it advisable to inform an employer of a handicap and when is it best not to do so? What protections are offered under the Americans with Disabilities Act and what does the act not cover? What constitutes reasonable accommodation? When can an employer refuse accommodation due to undue hardship?

Sometimes asking the right questions is more useful than knowing readymade answers. This book teaches people with, and without, disabilities how to ask good career planning questions.

Rise of Magic. Death of Science.

Fast Company devotes two pages of its February issue to Charles Darwin, who will turn 200 on the twelfth of that month. Francis Collins, whose comment is one of nine, remarks that when Darwin published, On the Origen of Species, 150 years ago, many accepted his theory as an explanation for how God carried out creation.

Today many people accept evolution, or at least aspects of it, as compatible with their religious beliefs. But some do not. Evolution requires a much longer time frame than the Bible’s mere seven days of creation. Some religious people argue that we can’t know the length of God’s day. It might span the eons needed to make evolution work. These are people who view Biblical truth as figurative, rather than as literal truth.

There are others who believe that the Bible means exactly what it says. There’s no wiggle room for scenarios spanning millions and billions of years. Everything came into being during the last ten thousand years or less. If the time since creation is so short, evolution is false and so are geology and physics.

My watch synchronizes its time with the atomic clock in Boulder, Colorado. The atomic clock is based on the dependability of radioactive decay. But the whole idea of radioactive decay is based on a timeline that far exceeds the time accounted for by a literal interpretation of Biblical creation. Those who accept this timeline must necessarily reject much of modern physics.

I believe that religious truth is compatible on some level with scientific knowledge. This belief is based on faith. Far more scientific knowledge exists than I can comprehend in depth; therefore, my belief in science must be faith based. Though most of us are taught science in school, few of us are taught the history of detailed reasoning and observation that led to establishing what is now considered scientific fact.

Those who interpret the Bible literally, must reject as false, much of what science teaches, if they are to be consistent in their beliefs. Few realize the implications of their rejection of science. They are protected from having to face the contradictions they create by rejecting science by their superficial understanding of science. Arthur C. Clark postulates that if technology is sufficiently advanced, than it can’t be distinguished from magic. I think we’ve achieved that level of technological advancement.

Science was far more comprehensible in Darwin’s day than it is today. Some churchmen readily incorporated evolution into their religious thinking during Darwin’s time, just as some do today. However, if Clark is correct, advancing technology must be accompanied by a decreasing comprehension of how things work. When everything exists as magic, than dependence on reason and observation must decline. The tools of reason and observation have well served mankind. Once they are lost, only magic will remain.